Monday, June 20, 2011


European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty''s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivill servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typwriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"''s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivon vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.e no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivon vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Quick and Witty Title Would Have Gone Here Had I Thought of One

As I sit down at the computer in Bro. Nix's office after a long day's rest, I am very worn out as they say...

I at once become quite hungry and parched, so I find some "Pan con Mermelada y Mantequilla de Mani" (ancient Incan dish) and pour a glass of "Leche sin Lactosa..." (Also ancient milk-like substance designed specifically for those with certain digestive intolerances.)

This gives me renewed vigor.


With this renewed energy, I decide to begin perusing my Sunday School teacher's manual...


Something catches my eye...



I decide to teach on the importance of honesty and morality in government...


Now, all I need are some good examples.

I can't think of any... Please help.

Monday, June 6, 2011

What Does the Horse Really Say? (Poem inspired by Brian Regan.) Also, an Account of a Recent Experience

- Horse -

What does the horse really say?
Does he say Wilber?
Or does he say Neigh?
Please place your vote, but don't rush away.
For the votes will be tallied on the seventh day.

Please do not hesitate,
For your voice must be heard.
Which do you speculate
Is the most used horse-word?

FYI, the vote is on the sidebar.

The "Account of a Recent Experience" part...

Saturday, two days ago, Hno. Jose asked me if I wanted to see a friend of his, here in Lima, who owns 20 some-odd racing horses. I love horses, so naturally, I said "YES!" Actually I said "SI!" but that's beside the point. This friend keeps his race horses at a certain race horse keeping place of which I've forgotten the name. It's situated directly beside the... the "Lima Horse Racing Place." (or something like that.) Anyhow, I took some pictures of the occasion and thought you might enjoy them. This was also the first time I had actually seen a horse race. As we were touring the place, we walked out to the race track where they were preparing for a race. I got a couple photos of the horses taking off, then we left. It was quite the exhilarating experience.

Please enjoy.
Also, if you have any questions about horses, for example, "Are they pretty?" "Are they big?" "What do they feel like?" "How much would a racing horse cost?" "how big was the track?" etc,  please feel free to ask, as since my visit to this place, I feel like I am much more knowledgeable. I would be more than happy to pull from my vast bottomed-out, er, bottomless pit of knowledge and provide answers for all your inquiries regarding horses and things horse-related (donkeys, zebras, mules, etc.).

This picture is of three horses and three men (6 in all)

One tall horse and one short man

Notice his sophisticated saddle.

Got them both smiling. Though the one on the right was difficult to catch.

Two race horses and one race horse taker-care-of.

Me and the horse that tried to eat my shirt.

He also almost ate my camera.

Old horse and Bro. Jose

Me and the old horse

Bro. Jose, our friend (with the phone), and me (behind the picture).
The big trailer being towed by the tractor is called the "horse-race-starter-place." Very sophisticated name, I know. I'm actually surprised I remembered it all. It's the place where the race horses start the horse race.

This was taken right after the race horses started the horse race from the previously mentioned "horse-race-starter-place."

As mentioned before, feel free to send in any questions that you might have. As you can see from my highly technical horse talk, I am quite knowledgeable on the subject. I would be happy to hear from you.
Meanwhile, God bless!
May the horse be with you! (hehe.. haha.. snicker.. phkknppk)

P.S. Don't forget to cast in that ballot! It's on the sidebar with BIG LETTERS, you can't miss it.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Dream Lawyer

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application.I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella.
The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?" 

The loan was immediately approved.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Satan is a Oneness Believer

Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. 
(James 2:19)

Have you ever wondered why Satan is oneness? The answer is simple. Just like all  the rest of the angelic host, When he came into existence He knew only one God. When he answers to God, he sees only one throne. Satan has been watching history unfold since before the Milky Way came into being. He witnessed God creating the heavens and the earth. He watched as stars suddenly appeared at the command of this one God. He watched God create man in his own image and likeness. He also observed holy men of God as they were moved on by the Holy Ghost to write scripture about this one God.
Here are some Scriptures that he knows and believes:
  • Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 
  • Isa 44:6 Thus saith the LORD the King of Israel, and his redeemer the LORD of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God. 
  • Isa 44:24 Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I am the LORD that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself; 
  • Zec 14:9 And the LORD shall be king over all the earth: in that day shall there be one LORD, and his name one.
  • Malachi 2:10 Have we not all one father? hath not one God created us? 
  • Mark 12:32 And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: 
  • 1 Corinthians 8:6 But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him. 
  • Ephesians 4:6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
    I, too, believe these Scriptures - with all my heart. The Oneness of God is the fundamental doctrine of the Bible. On it, hangs all the remaining doctrines found in the Word of God. I encourage you to study it out for yourself. Search the scriptures and let God reveal this precious truth to you, as it is a revelation - and what a glorious one indeed!